Tools of Sobriety

For anyone that can't drink/ use drugs anymore a major adjustment to the way of living life has to happen. I remember when I first sobered up I had a lot of depression and anxiety. I was really down with a failed marriage, the prospect of losing my house, this idea of there possibly being a God. (the 2nd and 3rd steps for me hit a little slooooow) 

I had to learn how to live again and what to do with my time. The first day I admitted I was an alcoholic the lady helping me said I needed to hang with men(more on this later) and attend meetings. This became my first tool in sobriety.

1. AA/NA Meetings

I was scared shit less for my first meeting.... why lie. I remember and looking back on it, it must have been an act of God; another young man struggling with alcohol sat next to me. I could smell the alcohol on his breathe. I have come to learn this wasn't an uncommon situation with an active drinker in a meeting. He ended up leaving early by acting like he was going to get a cup of coffee and then ended up skipping out. We talked before the meeting, he had a wife and kid. His wife gave him an ultimatum, sober up or she wanted a divorce. Apparently, for that night anyways, alcohols sweet siren sound won out.

Meetings for me are a way of relating to people who get my way of thinking. You know, maybe you don't... the stupid way of thinking. I feel at ease and find a lot of humor in the way I used to live compared to the happiness I have worked extremely hard at finding. And I always learn  something about myself in these meetings. As they say take what you want out of the meetings leave the rest.

2. Personal Health/Hygiene

If you were anything like me as an addict and alcoholic, you didn't exactly "take care" of your body. Now that I've sobered up, and after I ended up working my third step I ended up making a commitment to my body and honor it as it's a gift from my higher power. As C.S. Lewis said "We are not a body with a soul; we are a soul with a body." 

The first thing I felt needed to be done was getting the weight off. After years of abuse I had put on some weight.... about 80 pounds too much. Alcohol is pretty much just empty calories. I started going to the gym, almost everyday. It was something to do now that I couldn't drink. I have lost nearly 70 pounds but, more importantly I've gained nearly 10 pounds of muscle also. I've gained definition, and self confidence. This has greatly helped my depression.

I also have decided to get my health back on track. I have done my regular doctor visits which for a guy is saying something. We have a lot of stubborn pride. I've also gone to the dentist (NO CAVITIES THANK GOD!). And just overall I feel quite satisfied with my health.

I also bought some books with healthy recipes and have learned how to cook new foods. I love to find new flavors by using new vegetables and fruits I've never tried before. I also love using my grill to make something new including using it as a smoker. This is a great way to spend time.

3. Fellowship

So once I sobered up I ended up losing a lot of "Drinking buddies". AA/NA has given me about a hundred new friends. Last month I texted over 4000 messages and spent nearly 800 minutes on my cell phone. One thing I like to tell new people in meetings is "I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're going to find a deep inner happiness you never knew existed. The bad news is WE'RE your new friends." My golf game has improved dramatically. The first summer sober I golfed over 100 rounds of golf. I never would have thought having one meal a week by myself would be a treat just so I could relax and be by myself for a second. Not that I'm complaining though, I do enjoy my friends and family.

While drinking, I ended up alienating or just flat out ignoring large swathes of my family. I have recommitted to spending time with my family. Especially my nieces and nephews, I have come to love spending time laughing and joking with my family. I have had more meals with my brother and sister in the past year than possibly the whole rest of my life combined.

4. Whatever else keeps you the f&$% sober

As my sponsor stated, when I was commenting on tools of sobriety. A tool is whatever keeps you from drinking. The gym, schoolwork, fellowship, cooking, learning to dance, etc. Whatever it might be, as long as you don't drink you're OK for today.

That's it for today. I'll be back later in the week. I'll probably end up talking about the twelve steps and why they are important and the structure of them. Until then however just remember, all you have is today friends.