Steps 10, 11. and 12

Well, I apologize for my tardiness

And you may have to forgive me and my grammar as it is late and I am very tired. Good thing these steps go kind of quick,

You may have noticed, I haven't written for awhile. I must admit this blog actually takes a bit more time than one would think...

Step 10

Continued to take personal inventory and when wrong promptly admitted it.

I try to be on guard with my insecurities and short comings constantly. I also try to right whats wrong almost as soon as I find out I've done something not particularly good. 

One example was this weekend. My girlfriend and I were chatting about life, jobs, etc. Nothing insanely important. However my need to feel right at the moment took over. That insecurity has plagued me for quite sometime. She was right to call me out on it. And I was more than willing to say, you  know what. Yeah, you got me. I need to let this go for right now and lets enjoy tonight. 

Now I'm not saying I'm perfect at this. Sometimes I'll continue to be hard headed or stubborn. But, I just remember what a friend said to me. Whats more important to you. To FEEL like you need to be right, or you being happy. A lot of the time I have more serenity in life if I just let the feelings be expressed, reciprocate my feelings and let it be what it'll be. 

Step 11

Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

This one is pretty easy for me. There is a God and I'm not him. At least not today anyhow. 

I meditate pretty well every morning. I also say step prayers and then pray for others... I don't pray only when convenient, and I also don't just ask for things from my higher power. The fact that I'm alive and I've been given so many blessings and gifts from God is amazing. Let's list my gratitude list from today shall we:

1. I'm alive.
2. I have a fully functioning body and it seems healthy and not ill today.
3. I haven't drank or used today.
4. As far as I'm aware all my family are in good health and seem in good spirits.
5. I have a pretty lady that God has blessed me with and she seems to dig me and I love her too.
6. I have a vehicle that works and a roof over my head.
7. I have food that is readily available for me to consume.
8.I have been blessed with the gift of work. I am able for today to provide for myself and help others through gifts coming from my hands.
9. I have the ability to be the best individual on the planet today, although I know I almost always won't hit this goal. I know God has blessed me with the capacity to love one another as thyself.
10. I thank God for the chances he's given me in life so far and thanked God for the opportunities that are coming down the road.


... and that's just the first ten. I think I made it to 32 reasons to be thankful today.

The second part of the step is a bit tricky. I do pray for my higher powers will. I hope I do, do what is planned for me rather than grabbing the reins and trying to rule the whole world myself. I've tried and failed miserably at running my life. There is absolutely no need for me to try and run my life. Now here's the tricky part. I can't get controlled by my laziness and be lazy and attribute things to God's will that are not necessarily his will. If someone asks for help and I have the ability to help. I cannot rationally be like, Welp Gods will for you to have a flat tire. Guess you're shit out of luck. It doesn't work that way. I have to do what my responsibilities entail. I have to be an adult, I have to mow my lawn. I have to pay bills but, you know what?? I'm thankful I have the ability to pay those bills. I'm thankful I have the ability to help others and not be full on passed out at 6pm.I'm glad I'm sober enough to mow and can do a fine job at it.

Step 12

Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.


Ahhhhhh, step 12. This step when employed successfully has no better feeling. The amount of sobriety you get from witnessing an alcoholic in distress to remind you of how far you have come is amazing. I have answered about a dozen twelfth steps. I have gone to hospitals and houses and shared my story. Some of them accepted it and to this day are sober, others, not so much. 

The program is for those who want happiness. Those who want serenity. Those who want life to not rule them anymore but, to accept everything just as it is. The program is for those that WANT it, not those that NEED it. Only the strongest and bravest souls make it through these twelve steps honestly and maintain it.We didn't come this far to not be happy. We weren't afraid of anything life could throw at us because life gave us hell and we fought back. Together in AA we beat alcohol and the life it gave us.We found a new way of living, a happy and serene way of living. Quite simply, we found life.

And remember my friends, today is all you have. Peace.